Thursday, October 15, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
fuck a Barbie.
Considering these tough economic times, many Americans are perusing different avenues of wealth acquisition.
...Fuck wealth, a lot of us would be satisfied with just enough to keep our heads above water. With this in mind, a toy company has created and begun distribution of a new toy called "Pole Dance".
...doesn't look too good upon first impressions go, I know...
However, with me being the optimistic person I am, I decided to come up with several reasons as to why this doll may be not only appropriate in its existence but NECESSARY.
---WHY WE NEED THE POLE DANCING DOLL---
1) to help mother's explain what's keeping the lights on.
2) because girls need realistic goals to aspire to. 'female doctor' just sounds stupid. or...
3) because all the role models out now don't have action figures equipped with SPIN ACTION! (woot!! woot!!) Have you seen the Michelle Obama action figure? It pales in comparison. She can't even make it clap.
And that's what young ladies of this generation need to know above all else: "If life gets you down, learn to go down."
Or, I think it was, "Times are hard, but dicks are harder!"
Wait, shit. That wasn't it either...
Either way, go out there, young girl. Shake what your mama gave you and make a place for yourself in this society by any means necessary. Cuz if you don't, you might just end up like Gwen who's pictured below.
yet another realistic possibility to conclude your fate.
The doll pictured above is the latest from the renowned doll makers at American Girl and she's homeless. But by 'homeless', I don't mean go to the store, buy her (she's selling for 95 bones btw, fyi, if ya get my drift, nudge nudge, lmao, ok, i'll stop), take her home to your daughter (or son), and now she has a home. I mean, the story that was created about her is that of a young girl who is now homeless with her drug addicted mom, after her father walked on them.
a little too familiar?
Well wait til you hear about Uniqua-the HIV positive crack hoe and mother of 7 doll to be released this December; Just in time for Christmas!! But check it, she's white!
links: Next Up, A Pole-Dancing Doll
American Girl's Newest Doll is Homeless
...Fuck wealth, a lot of us would be satisfied with just enough to keep our heads above water. With this in mind, a toy company has created and begun distribution of a new toy called "Pole Dance".
...doesn't look too good upon first impressions go, I know...
However, with me being the optimistic person I am, I decided to come up with several reasons as to why this doll may be not only appropriate in its existence but NECESSARY.
1) to help mother's explain what's keeping the lights on.
2) because girls need realistic goals to aspire to. 'female doctor' just sounds stupid. or...
3) because all the role models out now don't have action figures equipped with SPIN ACTION! (woot!! woot!!) Have you seen the Michelle Obama action figure? It pales in comparison. She can't even make it clap.
And that's what young ladies of this generation need to know above all else: "If life gets you down, learn to go down."
Or, I think it was, "Times are hard, but dicks are harder!"
Wait, shit. That wasn't it either...
Either way, go out there, young girl. Shake what your mama gave you and make a place for yourself in this society by any means necessary. Cuz if you don't, you might just end up like Gwen who's pictured below.
yet another realistic possibility to conclude your fate.
The doll pictured above is the latest from the renowned doll makers at American Girl and she's homeless. But by 'homeless', I don't mean go to the store, buy her (she's selling for 95 bones btw, fyi, if ya get my drift, nudge nudge, lmao, ok, i'll stop), take her home to your daughter (or son), and now she has a home. I mean, the story that was created about her is that of a young girl who is now homeless with her drug addicted mom, after her father walked on them.
a little too familiar?
Well wait til you hear about Uniqua-the HIV positive crack hoe and mother of 7 doll to be released this December; Just in time for Christmas!! But check it, she's white!
links: Next Up, A Pole-Dancing Doll
American Girl's Newest Doll is Homeless
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